Both of my grandmothers were very influential people in my life. My Mom's Mom's name was Helen. She married a Marine, my grandfather. She was a very strong woman and was very outspoken, she would not hold back anything. She stuck around as long as God would let her fighting through cancer and the loss of her husband. She was the living definition of resilient. She was a beacon that constantly drew our family back together, especially during holidays. I saw the never give up attitude embodied in her, the no matter what keep loving and praying for those you care about. I spent so much time with her growing up, especially when my dad was sick and my parents were getting divorced. I will always remember our games of Aggravation and Bingo. She would always send cards for birthdays and holidays and though I didn't keep in touch as much as I should have the couple years before she passed, I did have 2 opportunities to visit her before I left for overseas duty in the military. God put it on my heart to visit my family Christmas 2014 in California with one of my sons and then in June I visited my friend Josh with both my sons and got to visit my grandmother again. There was another time our entire family was in California in July, but we did not visit her even though we were 15 minutes away and I regret that missed opportunity because we would not get another one. She got really sick a few months later in November and passed away while I was overseas. I'm glad she is not suffering anymore and I will always remember the straightforward talks about life we had over the years. Long periods of time could go by and even then I could share with her about my life and know she understood. I do miss her even today. It didn't seem real until a few months ago when I finally broke down and mourned for her. I had locked all the emotions up tight and not visiting family after I got back from being overseas made it seem like she was still in California and we just hadn't talked in awhile. It's been almost 2 years since she passed and even that feels unreal. She truly left a legacy in our family that will be felt for generations yet.
My Dad's Mom's name was Jean. She was also a very strong woman. I was able to be there right before she passed away, but again wasn't able to talk to her. She always said when I joined the military "Keep your head down and say your prayers". She was involved in a lot growing up. I still remember going to her college graduation and visiting her at work at the Campus Library until she retired. We used to go to the movies and take trips together and usually would end up lost despite our best efforts. Whenever the song The Proclaimers - I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) comes on it reminds me of her. I remember many times her putting on the Benny and Joon soundtrack and we'd sing the song in her car as we drove around lost. Her and my grandfather's marriage of 57ish years I believe was the model for what I know to be sticking it out through everything and making marriage work. She enjoyed life and always was trying to explore the world whether on cruises with my grandfather or taking myself or one of her grandchildren around the world. She tried to share that desire for adventure with our family every opportunity she got. She was a beacon for our family that drew us together.
These women represented 2 very different personalities, but equally represented a strength and reliance on God that shown through and truly affected our entire family for the better. Both of their legacies have shaped who I am now and too often I forget what they gave me to share with my own family as it grows. I pray that each day I would remember what a blessing it was to have them in my life.
Thursday, August 17, 2017
Tuesday, August 15, 2017
Jr High and such
If God has a time period where it is mandatory to feel like you're on a rollercoaster its the teenage years. Having my mom work at the school at my junior high at the same time was its own experience. I have to say I had more rules and boundaries than most kids I knew growing up. Thanks to my mom, she helped keep me out of most trouble at least well at least until I found the freedom of having a car. God was when the spiral started getting dangerous and set me upon a different path right when I needed it. Anyway going back to Jr. High before I left Lancaster/Quartz Hill, California I had my first invitation by my friend Jeremy and his family to Church. It was only one time, but to this day I remember exactly what was talked about. It was an demonstration in the youth area about walking the straight and narrow path with God. We literally were walking along a line in this room and the Pastor talked about how when we stray from the path we start heading off in another direction and before we know it we can be 5 feet away/way off the path just by changing direction. He explained that Jesus wants us to come back with him on the right path and will walk with us all the way back no matter how far we have strayed away from Him. That was 1 night I was invited to Church by a friend from school and I still remember it vividly to this day. It almost took me 2 more decades until I accepted Jesus Christ into my heart, but the seeds were planted even back then. Side note: I need to share this story with my kids. Never discount the impact a simple invitation may have on someone's life. Not long after this my mom, brother and I moved away and I have not seen or heard from Jeremy since.
Moving forward as time went on my mom ended up meeting and marrying my step-dad Greg. He had 2 kids of his own my age and older. I still look up in a lot of ways to Tony his son as he was going through exactly the same thing I was with my parents. They were active in Church and we started going too. Most of what was done I didn't understand at the time. I remember most of the time being bored playing with the handouts making ransom note style crafts out of the letters. I remember at times taking communion, but only because I thought I was supposed to because I was there. I remember at one time my step-sister Dina getting baptized in someone's backyard pool where everyone celebrated, but not sure really what it was about. My friend Josh invited me to a church he was going to also quite a few times. I really remember raiding the snacks in the fridge more than anything there. There was a sermon in the youth area about Revelation and Jesus Coming back. We were asked if we wanted to accept him into our life and I remember telling the Pastor yes, but not really getting what I was doing other than mimicking what I thought I was supposed to do.
Outside of these Church experiences life seemed to fly by. There were mostly good times, hanging out together when all of our family was together. Going on a vacation to Mammoth one time or Hearst Castle. Sure there were arguments especially with the dynamics we had with 3 teenagers in the house and my little brother stirring up trouble when we weren't getting along. These were the years I really started isolating myself though and I realize now I missed out on a lot of experiences with friends and family because of it. Video games and computers took up most of my life. Homework became a means to get to video games if I even did it at home. I either tried to finish before I left class or before class started. Whether it was Final Fantasy or Resident Evil these games dominated a lot of my time. I'm not really sure where I am headed with this section right now, but I know I was very rebellious during this time, especially against Greg. I really gave him and my mom hell. Little things like building a tree house in our backyard with stolen wood and nails from the construction site up the street and the cops showing up to our house because of it. Another time was when I acquired some pornographic magazines from Greg without him knowing and getting caught with them in my room. That was an interesting time where my door actually got taken off as punishment and I still to this day have not heard the end of it from my friends. All good lessons that I'm sure as my kids grow up I'll have to handle with which even what I've been through won't completely prepare me for.
Moving forward as time went on my mom ended up meeting and marrying my step-dad Greg. He had 2 kids of his own my age and older. I still look up in a lot of ways to Tony his son as he was going through exactly the same thing I was with my parents. They were active in Church and we started going too. Most of what was done I didn't understand at the time. I remember most of the time being bored playing with the handouts making ransom note style crafts out of the letters. I remember at times taking communion, but only because I thought I was supposed to because I was there. I remember at one time my step-sister Dina getting baptized in someone's backyard pool where everyone celebrated, but not sure really what it was about. My friend Josh invited me to a church he was going to also quite a few times. I really remember raiding the snacks in the fridge more than anything there. There was a sermon in the youth area about Revelation and Jesus Coming back. We were asked if we wanted to accept him into our life and I remember telling the Pastor yes, but not really getting what I was doing other than mimicking what I thought I was supposed to do.
Outside of these Church experiences life seemed to fly by. There were mostly good times, hanging out together when all of our family was together. Going on a vacation to Mammoth one time or Hearst Castle. Sure there were arguments especially with the dynamics we had with 3 teenagers in the house and my little brother stirring up trouble when we weren't getting along. These were the years I really started isolating myself though and I realize now I missed out on a lot of experiences with friends and family because of it. Video games and computers took up most of my life. Homework became a means to get to video games if I even did it at home. I either tried to finish before I left class or before class started. Whether it was Final Fantasy or Resident Evil these games dominated a lot of my time. I'm not really sure where I am headed with this section right now, but I know I was very rebellious during this time, especially against Greg. I really gave him and my mom hell. Little things like building a tree house in our backyard with stolen wood and nails from the construction site up the street and the cops showing up to our house because of it. Another time was when I acquired some pornographic magazines from Greg without him knowing and getting caught with them in my room. That was an interesting time where my door actually got taken off as punishment and I still to this day have not heard the end of it from my friends. All good lessons that I'm sure as my kids grow up I'll have to handle with which even what I've been through won't completely prepare me for.
Thursday, August 10, 2017
Here we go...
God has put it on my heart to share the story of my life. For my family, for my legacy.
I was born in Southern California to loving parents and many other loving relatives. The 2nd in my generation after my cousin on my mom's side and the 1st on my dad's side. Both sets of grandparents lived within 5 minutes of each other in Orange County. Even was blessed to be able to know my Great Grandfather on my dad's side. Our family was really close, both sides of the family always gathering together for holidays and events especially when my little brother showed up as well. This drew our family even closer. For over a decade our family weathered the storms of live, from my dad surviving a brain aneurism, my mom surviving someone hitting her car at full speed when he ran a stop sign, my mom made it through hurricane in Kauai, HI while they were filming Jurassic Park at the same time there, our family didn't loose anyone or anything during the Northridge Earthquake, same with the L.A. Riots(I didn't even know they were going on 45 minutes up the road), wild fires that threatened our home and caused us to evacuate at least once. All these events went on during this time and even more I'm sure my parents could enlighten me on and my family stuck it out.
When my dad got laid off it was the start of the worst storm that our family would ever go through. We had to move only 2 hours away, but we'd been driving 2 hours to visit family my whole life, so I didn't see it as leaving all my friends and family behind as we'd still be close. All the normal stress of moving occurred, meeting new neighbors, struggles at a new school, meeting new friends whilst keeping in contact with the old ones. I believe we were within 6 months of settling in when my Grandpa got sick with cancer and he passed away just as quickly as it was very aggressive Pancreatic Cancer. This rocked our entire family. It wasn't long after that my dad got fired. I don't believe it was these events alone that led to my mom divorcing my dad, but they had left their mark emotionally on her. I went through my own emotional shutdown throughout all of these events even blaming myself for my parents divorce to being overcome with grief for my grandpa. I did not know how to deal with these emotions as I was getting ready to be a teenager and trying to deal with that transition all at the same time added to everything else. I don't remember if it was ever really explained to me or not, but I know for a very long time I did not understand what happened. We ended up moving back to our old hometown where all our friends were. These next couple years looking back really gave me a perspective of how protected/loved I had been the first portion of my life. Once my mom left my dad and we were essentially on our own with her working full time and struggling to make ends meet we didn't have that protection from the world we had before any longer. I tried to step up and protect my brother around the neighborhood, but only ended up loosing fights with kids even younger than me. I learned then that instead of fighting I could run away and just not deal with the fighting. This has essentially defined how I have handled most stressful situations in my life. Thank God Jesus was there pursuing me even then.
I was born in Southern California to loving parents and many other loving relatives. The 2nd in my generation after my cousin on my mom's side and the 1st on my dad's side. Both sets of grandparents lived within 5 minutes of each other in Orange County. Even was blessed to be able to know my Great Grandfather on my dad's side. Our family was really close, both sides of the family always gathering together for holidays and events especially when my little brother showed up as well. This drew our family even closer. For over a decade our family weathered the storms of live, from my dad surviving a brain aneurism, my mom surviving someone hitting her car at full speed when he ran a stop sign, my mom made it through hurricane in Kauai, HI while they were filming Jurassic Park at the same time there, our family didn't loose anyone or anything during the Northridge Earthquake, same with the L.A. Riots(I didn't even know they were going on 45 minutes up the road), wild fires that threatened our home and caused us to evacuate at least once. All these events went on during this time and even more I'm sure my parents could enlighten me on and my family stuck it out.
When my dad got laid off it was the start of the worst storm that our family would ever go through. We had to move only 2 hours away, but we'd been driving 2 hours to visit family my whole life, so I didn't see it as leaving all my friends and family behind as we'd still be close. All the normal stress of moving occurred, meeting new neighbors, struggles at a new school, meeting new friends whilst keeping in contact with the old ones. I believe we were within 6 months of settling in when my Grandpa got sick with cancer and he passed away just as quickly as it was very aggressive Pancreatic Cancer. This rocked our entire family. It wasn't long after that my dad got fired. I don't believe it was these events alone that led to my mom divorcing my dad, but they had left their mark emotionally on her. I went through my own emotional shutdown throughout all of these events even blaming myself for my parents divorce to being overcome with grief for my grandpa. I did not know how to deal with these emotions as I was getting ready to be a teenager and trying to deal with that transition all at the same time added to everything else. I don't remember if it was ever really explained to me or not, but I know for a very long time I did not understand what happened. We ended up moving back to our old hometown where all our friends were. These next couple years looking back really gave me a perspective of how protected/loved I had been the first portion of my life. Once my mom left my dad and we were essentially on our own with her working full time and struggling to make ends meet we didn't have that protection from the world we had before any longer. I tried to step up and protect my brother around the neighborhood, but only ended up loosing fights with kids even younger than me. I learned then that instead of fighting I could run away and just not deal with the fighting. This has essentially defined how I have handled most stressful situations in my life. Thank God Jesus was there pursuing me even then.
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